Regrets

There is no greater ruiner of life than regrets. Regrets will eat away at you over and over again. There is no going back. No fixing or changing. You lived like it was a dress rehearsal, but it was the final show.

Regrets often take the place of omission rather than co-mission. Co-mission gives you the reality. You saw the consequence and it was clear. For good and/or bad, you saw the result and don’t need to guess the result.

Acts of omission create the counterfactual. The what-ifs. The woulda, coulda, shouldas. And there is no way to know how it would have turned out. So, your mind plays it out for you.

It can eat at you. You rarely say if I had only done that one thing then my life would be even worse. No, you only envision all the ways it would have gone right.

I am filled with regret. Filled to the brim. It consumes me on a daily basis. I don’t know how to break-free of it.

It feels like it’s started over the last couple of years more strongly. Perhaps it’s due to my age. It’s harder to say this year things will be different, or I have so much time and potential. You get to a certain point and things feel solidified. The trajectory is set.

At 18 or 22 or 25 or 28, you feel like you can still make a big move or decision and get things on track. Once you hit a certain age and place in life, that feels less likely and the regrets start flooding your mind.

My regret is I never made that big move. And it eats at me.